40 Days

Well, the day has come. My fast is officially over. I know most of you are unaware that I have been fasting for the last 40ish day. Let me tell you I have learned a lot. I would think the biggest lesson is truly how imperfect I, and how perfect Jesus is.

Yesterday I had a rough day at work. I would easily put it in the top ten. I was the flex nurse on our unit. Meaning I have two patients, with the goal of help the dialysis nurses as well as the nurse on my unit. Well, my patients ended up taking a lot of my time. I was in the patient’s room or coordinating care for that pt most of the day. I was told I wasn’t working fast enough by the patient. This is a common perception, simply because I think the general population is unaware of how many people go into me giving a medication. That is just one part of my day and I could go on and on. But that isn’t the point. I got out of work and I was starving. I knew I would be breaking my fast today and said screw it and got Jack in the Box on the way home. I enjoyed every bite of my greasy food. Yes, I cope with food, yet another thing I am working on.

But this brings me back to the biggest lesson I learned. I couldn’t even fast for a full 40 days. My self-control was and still is pretty terrible. About halfway through I lost it and had three cupcakes at work. Not like gourmet cupcakes, like box cupcakes.

First Jesus spent 40 days alone in the desert. He didn’t eat in 40 days. It wasn’t until the 40th day that the devil appeared to tempt him. He was tempted to create bread out of stone, leap and rely on angels to break his fall and then kneel before Satan to rule the kingdoms. He passed all three. I know the Bible lacks the detail of what was going through the head of Jesus. But Jesus was well aware of his mission to come and save us. He was also aware of the gravity of this temptation. I believe he was able to defeat the temptations by knowing his identity in the Father. He knew who his father was and the plan he had for his life.

Here I am settling for a bowl of beans when there is so much to inherit. I am not saying my inheritance is tarnished because I wasn’t perfect in my fast. But I do believe the more we are aware and the more knowledge we have the more responsible we are. When we are given a glimpse of these lessons I feel it is our job to improve. I am not sure what that looks like yet. I know the Spirit will reveal that in time.

I will never be Jesus. I will never be perfect. I will fail. But I will continue to allow the Holy Spirit to teach me. I will continue to strive to be more like Jesus.