Coming home to Coeur d’Alene felt different than when I first moved here. I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel and didn’t put much thought into it. But as my plane took off from the Buffalo Airport I couldn’t help but cry. Holding back tears as the flight attendant came to collect the trash from the sanitizer wipes they passed out.
Coming back didn’t feel like the next biggest adventure. Part of me knew that I could pack my whole apartment up and move back to Buffalo. Honestly, that would be the easy thing to do and on some level was appealing. I would easily be able to slip back into my “old” life. I would have no problem finding a job. I could once again attend Tree of Life regularly.
As I was driving to the airport with my mom for the second time. We briefly touched on this, as I had made a “joke” about moving home earlier. It was a highlight week. Perfectly packaged with all the greatest things Buffalo has to offer.
This time flying back to Coeur d’Alene meant that I was actively choosing the difficult path. The one less traveled. The path of self exploration and growth. Boy is it hard. It is hard to choose discomfort. It is hard to give up Sundays at your parents, or really good pizza. It is hard knowing that you would be welcomed back with open arms and feel like time hasn’t passed.
But time has passed. I have grown as a person. I have become more vulnerable and better at putting myself first. I have gotten better at expressing my needs and setting boundaries in relationships. I have found a deeper relationship with Jesus. I have found my self worth and have started to step into who God created me to be. All these things happened because I moved. I am sure I would have eventually gotten to these things had I lived in Buffalo. But moving forced me to deal with a lot of different things, that have allowed me to bloom as a person.
Like I said in my last blog. It is nice to know I am so loved in both places. Although it is hard, I see that it is worth it. I know this is where I am supposed to be.