I have to admit returning to Buffalo was not something I wanted to do. I probably wouldn’t have gone if my mom didn’t guilt me into it. I had a lot of reservations, mostly about my relationships. Where they going to feel the same? Was it going to feel like no timed has passed or was it going to be super awkward? I knew it would determine the course of some of my friendships. The defining moment of if they would last a life time.
But something beautiful happened. I easily slipped into my old world. Greeted with such deep love. All my relationships in tact and it felt like no time had passed. My mom says I was apprehensive because I wanted a clean break from Buffalo. Of course she was right. It is easier to fully dive into and commit to your new home when you aren’t as worried about those previous relationships. I had really neglected those relationships as time had progressed. I didn’t want to feel the ties back home, because honestly this year has been hard. Like really hard. Moving to a new place has single handedly been the hardest thing I have ever done. It revealed so many weakness of mine. Going back to Buffalo really allowed me to process how hard this year had been. No longer in survival mode I was able to start processing what I had been through, my expectations, my disappointments and how I navigated this transition.
This trip to Buffalo really clarified that although I have come a long way I still have a long way to go. It helped me realize that I need to take better care of myself. That I need to stop overcommitting myself just to fill time. That I need to be more intentional in my life. It is okay to say no to things that you want to do. It is okay to say no even when you have the ability to say yes. That my knee jerk reaction shouldn’t be yes.
But most of all I learned once again how loved I am. That two places 2,000+ miles apart I am so loved. People in Buffalo asked me when I was moving back and people from CDA couldn’t wait for me to come back. That I have two places that I can call home. Both beautiful and wonderful in their own way.
Crossing the Jordan 