He is sufficient.
At the beginning of the year, well technically it was last year. But I knew it was for this year. I resisted my word for the year, every fiber of my flesh fought against it. For those who don’t know my word for the year is Ascend, like Moses going up the mountain after Egypt kind of ascend. Anyway, the vision:
I was walking up the mountain and just like huge chunks of me were breaking off. The stone crashed on the way down. By the time I got to the top of the mountain, I was curled in the fetal position and was completely mush. As I saw myself on the top of the mountain the Lord told me it was going to be hard to breathe. Not in a bad way but in a need God kind of way.
Today the weather here was crazy and I am in Buffalo. It went from snowing to hailing, to sleeting, and then it was sunny multiple times throughout the day. In the distance, you could see the clouds falling toward earth as they settled on the mountains. In the chaos it was beautiful. This weather pattern is currently my life. Constantly changing, with brief breaks to sit and see the sun.
As I was driving the Lord reminded me of this vision. I remember being scared of the pain that would come during this refining year. For the year of ascending, to sure is starting in the valley. I feel disconnected and unseen. All lies from the enemy, and sometimes it’s hard to wake up and not believe it. I am weary.
I don’t say this for pity, if anything, I welcome valley season. I want to learn to be more reliant on the Lord. Even if it means grinding through the valley. But as I was crying to my friend she reminded me that I was not alone. That God saw me and my desires and as my friend she was willing to not just walk beside me but push me up the mountain.
Although I am not exactly where I thought I would be, not even in the slightest. The Lord whispered I am sufficient. No one can fill the gap. Family, friends, future spouse, nothing can fill the depth of longing in my heart. Only Jesus and his relentless pursuit of me. His ability to put people in my life who care about me, let me cry it out, and encourage me. To be so loved for who I am and where I am at. I am very grateful.
In the valley I will worship.