I have been noticing lately I suck at being still. Being “still” is not something I am good at. I don’t do well with not having the next step. Tonight was a conference at my home church, and they had prophets come. They spoke and prophesied over some people in the congregation. I found myself wanting to hear a word about my life and what the next step is like. It was super hard when I didn’t get a specific word. The thing was in all the other words people God I felt like God was speaking to me. That I am seen. That I am loved. I am created exactly as I am, for a purpose, and to walk in that.
As I was driving home I struggled with this idea that although I hear from the Lord, I have no clue what is coming next. I think about my life up to this point in my life. There are very few times I can say I didn’t have something I am actively working towards. I am no longer in school. I know that for at least the next year I will be on working my job. I am finding it hard to be content with what I have.
It is so interesting. While I was in school I couldn’t help but wait for the day that I was going to be a chemist and then a nurse. But now that I am a nurse, I find it hard to be content and not seeking what is next. I would love to meet who I will marry. I would love to know what my life will look like in five years. For the first time, in a long time I have everything I want, and yet there is still this longing for more. I know that I will only ever find true satisfaction in Christ. But head knowledge isn’t always heart knowledge.
Most people would love to be in a summer season, but I can’t help but want to be in spring. Always learning and growing, moving forward to the next season. But something God has told me is that every day is a day you are moving into the next season. Although it may feel like what we are going through is never-ending. Each day is one day closer to redemption, freedom, and deeper love.
I don’t know what this year will hold. I know my mom really wants me to find a husband. To be honest I am not opposed to that. But if God wants me to sit in a season of stillness and just being. I submit to that. Even in the stillness, I am able to learn and grow. I am grateful for the comfort the Father provides. The lessons he freely gives. I love that I am loved for who I was created to be.