Today I rode the struggle bus at work. I have worked 5 shifts in 6 days. It has definitely taken its tole. It is hard to consistently work back to back. I am tired but overall I felt alright going into work today. I knew I’d get through it.
But I had a where I was in their room almost every hour. No matter what I did it wasn’t to their satisfaction. This is something I know a lot of health care workers deal with this. Where you bend over backwards to help a patient out. But somedays your shift is filled with rude thankless people.
Something my mom told me was when you get upset or angry at a patients behavior, it is triggering something in you. This obviously really hit me. Most of the time I can justify behavior and make it not about me. Today I couldn’t. I felt like no matter what I did it just wasn’t good enough. For me that is why I cried on the way home. I have always struggled with perfection and this idea of being good enough. In my relationships and life in general. Today it was thrown in my face that I wasn’t doing a good enough job or I wasn’t doing it right. Even though I tried my best, my best fell short. But did it? The patient received their medications on time. I was able to delegate for help when I needed help. All my patients were safe and remained stable throughout my shift. My patients behavior towards me can’t dictate how I feel about my job performance. I rocked it. I provided amazing care, I advocated when I needed to. My patients were safe and cared for.
Today is just another reminder it isn’t about me. Which some days is a really hard pill to swallow. I don’t want people to be in pain or sick. But sometimes all you can do is your best, regardless of how it received.