Oh boy has it been a while. It isn’t because God hasn’t been speaking to me, but because it has been rough!!! I like most have periods where I am super close to Lord and it is easy. This has not been one of those. It is finally settling in that I am across the country from from family and closest friends.
My parents ended up canceling their trip to see me and it was painful. Although we knew it was the right call, it is a hard pill to swallow. Sure I have a plane ticket to go home in December, but deep down I know that I will most likely not be going home. It won’t be until late March that I will be able to see my parents. Part of me is angry, that the Lord would lead me to such a lonely place. Then there is a part of me is so grateful for the words that he spoke over me before I left. That he would never leave me or forsake me. I am not alone. This season is beautiful because I am where God wants me to be. Struggles and all.
As I laid on the couch sick, my kittens took turns cuddling with me. They followed me everywhere. When I got them part of me was scared that I wouldn’t love them as much as Kimba. Kimba was my ride or die. People who have pets will understand. I had her though some of the toughest points of my life and at the end of her life. I loved her more then I loved most people. I have no problem admitting that. As I cuddled with Indy and Arlo all I could think about was this is the start of that. It took years of Kimba cuddling me when I was sick, crying or greeting me when I got home to create that bond. It wasn’t birthed over night. After a week on the couch, I knew that I would love Indy and Arlo as much if not more than Kimba. They met my needs without prompting. The cared for me in their own furry way.
I think about this in my relationship with the Lord. He has proven to me over and over again he has good things in store. That what I think I want isn’t what I need. He has provided for me over and over and over again without fail. He has met me in the darkest seasons, and walked by my side always there to catch me if I stumble. As much as this season is painful and lonely, it is incredibly beautiful. It is season where I am truely fully reliant on him. I am thankful for the careful preparation that has gone into this very moment. I can’t wait to look back in five or ten years and see all the things that are being birthed in this season.
I am incredibly grateful for the track history I have with the Lord. That I able to look back at past and see his hand in everything that has brought me here. But like Indy and Arlo, this is the beginning. Unlike my love for Indy and Arlo, imperfect and often inpatient. Gods love is perfect and patient. I can’t wait to look back in five or ten years and see all the things that are being birthed in this season.