The title kind of says it all. I have really been dragging my heels when it comes to writing this blog post. I think it is significantly easier to write when I feel like I have a handle on this major life transition. With that being said, there are moment I feel like I am drowning. A side most people often choose to not share, is the immense lonelness that comes with moving across the country by yourself. Sure I can call my family and my friends, but it isn’t the same as being able to spend a Saturday just watching a movie with them.
But I am grateful for the careful preparation that went into this season. Without it, I don’t think I would be able to do this. Around this time last year I decided to start learning guitar. It was not something I wanted to do, I didn’t think that I had the time. I was going to school, selling my house, and working full time. But I knew God was asking me to take lessons. I reluctantly said yes.
Sitting here in my apartment I am so grateful I was obedient. Worship is my lifeline in this season. I may not be as consistent at reading my bible or journaling as I was in previous seasons, but being able to be raw and real in front of God with my guitar is something I will cherish. The music written will mark this season. I will remember the music that came from worship as I cried with my guitar on the floor in my apartment. I will see the victory that came from the surrender and obedience from the previous seasons.
It obviously makes me think about how this season, even though sometimes extremely painful is preparing me for what is too come. I was talking with my guitar teacher and I was telling her how I forgot how painful growing seasons can be. That somehow my brain only remembers the good from the last growing season. But I have journals filled with tears and painful lessons that were learned.
So what I am learning right now. How to just be. I have found myself with more time off then I have had in a long time, and I find it incredibly hard to fully enjoy it. I have no problem going for adventures, but part of me is thinking about how I could join a committee at work, volunteer, join a small group at church. But as my mom and I were talking the lesson of this season as I am sure for most in 2020. Is being okay with just being. To take the time to sit in silence and not try to fill every minute of my day. I am already good at picking up hobbies and side projects.
As for the wildfires. I saw my first one.