Well well well … this is not one I really wanted to write but here we are. Topics typically come to me and I just know that is what I need to write about. This came to mind a few days ago but I have really just ignored the prompting. But as I am sure you know God decided to give me a gentle nudge of encouragement.
As I have started my job I am learning just how much validation I desire. If someone isn’t telling me I am doing a good job, then how could I possibly be doing a good job. When the floor gets really busy and my preceptor is being pulled in a million different directions I rarely feel helpful. Even if I am being told I am helpful, sometimes there is this part of me that feels like it isn’t enough. I could and should be doing more. Nursing school prepared me right.
Sure nursing school taught me how to place and IV or change a dressing. But it didn’t teach me how to manage patients ever ending list of needs. It didn’t teach me how to do an admission assessment, or how to manage a full case load. It didn’t teach me how to handle a crying patient or better yet a dying patinet. I could keep going. But the thing is in that room the patient expects me to have the answer. The days of defeering the answer because I am a student is over. I am learning everyday on how to talk to paitents and how I can meet thier needs. It can be exhausting.
When you aren’t fully trained for a task how do you know you are doing a good job? For me it someone telling me I did a good job. Even that sometimes is hard. I feel I should be better prepared. At work sometimes I feel like I should be able to anticipate the need. Thats the thing though. In life there are so many things we aren’t trained to handle. Rarely we are taught how to file taxes, how to balance a check book, how to properly care for a house and your own needs. So how do we know we are doing a good job. If we constantly rely on the world validating us we will never feel whole or complete. In the worlds eyes we can always be better, fit more stuff into our schedules, our lists could always be longer. But in Gods eyes he created us to be enough. Whole in him. My validation can only come from him, because only in him is my true worth found and valued.